[BH4] Give that Man a Beer, or, Where did that Vessel Go? (A Holidaze Trip Report)
Jason D. Kelleher
kelleher at grumpydude.com
Wed Dec 23 11:12:20 CST 2009
I can say with certainty that your mug was pissed in on the balcony of the hashpitality suite in Toronto. It was my piss. :)
No worries - a little bleach works wonders.
From: Tom Tarka <tommy at slackers.net>
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 2009 22:37:26
To: <Pgh-HHH-Discuss at yahoogroups.com>
Cc: Frey, Mark E<mark.e.frey at intel.com>; <mkottke at mail.sdsu.edu>; Musico<wmusico at members.asce.org>; <bh4 at bluehen-h3.org>
Subject: [BH4] Give that Man a Beer, or,
Where did that Vessel Go? (A Holidaze Trip Report)
So it was way back in October that a bunch of Pittsburgh hashers headed
out to the Hillbilly hash (after the DC Red Dress run) and despite it
sounding like a grand idea, I decided to stay in city to catch up with
an old friend before heading back home. Well, by all accounts I missed
out because not only did I hear how fun the hash had been, but the party
had been an absolute riot...
7 hours later, back in the PGH, a funny looking object (oddly resembling
a bedpan) showed up in my house, replete with Hillbilly sticker and
tales of people having to jump through the windows of moving cars as
they sped off from the ON-IN in attempt to "get while the gettin' was
good." Thus began the cleptomanic tear of a particular PGH hasher
intent on stealing every vessel they could get their hands on (including
that of their own hash, although that's another story entirely).
I think it was 3 or 4 days before anyone in the Hillbilly hash realized
anything was amiss (a telling tidbit?) but a quick email with attached
photo quickly established the state of affairs: the Pittsburgh H3 is in
possession of the Hillbilly vessel.
Not much happened over the next few months...an odd email perhaps...a
photo of the vessel in a not-to-be-missed position...the usual. At some
point, however, it was established that the Hillbillies would be at
Holidaze (an annual winter campout weekend in Western NY), as would be
members of PGH H3. Expectations were set...
Flash forward to this weekend...Dick Tracy (of Eerie H3 fame) has just
finished running a short (by Dick! standards) circle and the party is in
full swing. The only detail: there was no "lost and found" down-down.
Well, not to let things linger, it wasn't 15 minutes before a half-naked
Pelvis Chestley (PGH's GM) and I called over the only Hillbilly in
sight: Danny Bonadouchebag. Pelvis had been dancing with some other
near-naked co-ed on top of a bench, which turned out to be the perfect
place from which to administer an appropriately sized down-down and get
rid of yet another hash artifact that had ended up at PGH H3.
This all sounds normal, right? Maybe even a little boring. PGH H3
stole a vessel, they gave it back, blah blah blah.
Yeah, I know, this stuff happens all the time at hashes, but this is
where things started to get a little more interesting, and, well, its
always good to set the record straight. You see, every Hillbilly hasher
wears a dog collar, and since we didn't want them to lose their vessel
again, we thoughtfully attached a 3 foot (~1 meter for you Canucks and
International types) length of chain to their vessel, complete with
carabiner on the end for ease of attaching it. Danny hardly blinked at
this (although it took him 4 or 5 tries to finish the down-down) and we
were finally free of our obligation.
Fast forward to the next morning and Finger Food, a PGH hasher who was
nice enough to grill some amazing "meat-on-a-stick" for the hash on
Friday night, sees his charcoal grill ... just an ordinary charcoal
grill (borrowed from a non-hasher, in fact), packed into the back of
someone else's car, sitting there in plain sight. It is, surprise,
surprise, the Hillbilly hash vehicle. Finger Food, having no intention
of losing his borrowed grill, checks the trunk only to find it unlocked:
nice. He quickly removes his grill and as he's closing the trunk (as
stealthily as possible, because he wants to get his grill the hell out
of there) notices that the Hillbilly hash vessel is sitting right there,
in plain sight, under where his grill was.
Hmm....what do you think happened next, gentle beer-pounding, mud
It was about 20 minutes later that the Hillbillies noticed their vessel
was gone from their trunk, and the melee began. First it was "You stole
our vessel from our trunk!", then it was them trying to find their
vessel in our cars, followed by a mad scramble for keys which were in
turn tossed, shoved down pants, held above heads, dropped on the ice,
and deftly kicked away with hockey sticks. A play was made for the PGH
Slap Shot stick, but that too failed as Douchebag fell on his ass on the
slick ice (seconds after Sour Snatch aborted due to a prescient
knowledge of the dangers inherent in such a surface).
In the end, the Hillbillies left with a toaster which they stole from a
Decoc hasher staying in the same cabin as us (the unstoppable Rusty
Prick). Why steal from a Dayton based hasher, and steal his toaster, no
less? You've got me... Seconds after they pulled away, however, he was
heard to mutter "That toaster was a small price to pay to get rid of
Douchebag..." and all was well in the Hashing Universe.
So that was our Sunday morning. I, for one, am a bit tired of this
recent bout of jockeying for hash gear, but at the end of the day, who
cares. C Fuck Run still has a Blue Hen H3 mug of mine and every 6
months or so he taunts me by sending me a text message asking what my
address is so he can send it to me. It has yet to arrive. (But it's on
his bedside table, so that means the urine has presumably been cleaned
out of it...if it was ever pissed in to begin with...so that's
something). But seriously, stealing a toaster? Or a charcoal grill?
So....anybody looking for a new hash vessel? I know a guy...he said
he's got one that fell off a truck. Almost new, comes with a leash for
easy handling. Email me for more info...
GM Emeritus, Blue Hen H3
General Bastard and Drinker, Pittsburgh H3
* Said with complete love and affection.
(cross posted to hillbilly h3 and holidaze on Hashspace, and Pgh-discuss)
"You realists can stay the hell out of our office." - David Dudas
Bh4 mailing list
Bh4 at lists.udlug.org
Please follow us @blueh4 on Twitter!
More information about the Bh4